The Streaming of "Connectivity"


The Streaming of Connectivity                                                   August 18, 2013
It was a gloomy day and I'm creeping back like a baby but in boredom. Maybe it's because of the weather or just another pause for my constant high and low. I felt disconnected, vague and uninspired. In an instant, I don't  know where am I going to, what am I going to do, and unable to recognize where am I now.  I once knew these things beyond 100% but suddenly went back to zero. My mind becomes a messy place again as well as our house. My heart is pounding again for hate potential disturbances. It started to make me feel there's a heavy magnet inside collecting auditory fuel and unprovable facts of imaginary papers ready to burn my newly found haven within.  I've been working just lately like a carabao to keep these things intact, suddenly someone or something bombarded my nerves and I can't even react to it. It feels like you can clearly tell that something's wrong but you need to function anyway and yet you are immobile. l can describe it like  Jesus is there and I am here, this is no good!
So whatever could be the reason is which I can't point out at this time, I need to grasp possible solution for my current obscurity. At least I can remember my familiarity to this unexplainable phenomenon within. First, I acknowledged the moment in prayer and accept the fact that I am weak, tired and need to rest. Then, I was reminded by the words "This too shall pass". Lastly is to follow my automatic feeling that I need a good book to read while I'm stocked on my  bed of vagueness. 
Okay, so it was a gloomy day but luckily I found a good book  just perfect to arouse my curiosity: A  spiritual  non-fiction book titled "NO SMALL SNAKES" by Gordon Dalbey. He got my attention and made my bodily hairs erect at once when he brought up the issue of his name. Strange, puzzling to think that his name  "Gordon" was  always mistakenly called to be the same other name "Roger" by different people at different places and time. So he comes to a point of facing the call of this mystery through openness, consultation and faith. His first  idea was that maybe it's  God's call so  he confided his name issue to a trusted friend, a pastor who gave him two possibilities. First is that maybe there's really a guy named Roger who look like him so they identified Gordon mistakenly with that name Roger.  But using his logic, that's an impossible possibility because those people mistaken his name Gordon for Roger are located at different places and happened at different time of his life, like adulthood and teenage year. So his friend suggests the other possibility that maybe its simply means that "Roger" is really his name. He supported his idea through example in the bible that when God called them into their new mission or direction (like a go signal to move and make it happen) He usually did it by giving them a new name or may I add calling them by their heavenly name. If He can do it for Abram which became "Abraham" and Jacob which became "Israel" then He surely has the right to give him a new name, if He wants too. Wow! Weird but his friend was making sense and he also told  him  why not look for his name's meaning instead of solving the issue with just a conclusion. By the way, his surname "Dalbey" is a Norwegian surname and to his surprised he found out that "Roger" is also "Norse Origin" which means "Famous Spear/ God's Warrior". He untangled his own mystery through knowing God's assigned task for him. He was able to overcome his own struggle within since then; he's earthly desire to become a soldier and serve his country like his father leads him to another kind of battle which he confidently believes God's will for him to serve: Spiritual Warfare. Gordon Dalbey aka "Roger " is now a soldier of our spiritual ground while/through being a Pastor, a Teacher, a Writer and a News reporter in Barbara California with his wife and son.
So, could it be? Could it be that our name is one of the possibilities to the big question which sometimes we don't bother to ask because we know no one can give us the answer and looking within could sometimes lead us not only to our essence but also to our worldly desire? Could it be that we are blessed through our name already even before we were born? Could it be that what we ought to be has been declared by The Lord on how we are to be called?
Excited as I always were I hurriedly typed my name in GOOGLE hoping to find out any special meaning aside from what's already in my mind and to my unsurprised, Cristine has only one meaning from web to web which says " Follower of Christ". So what? I told myself in dismay, Cristine as Follower of Christ it's too obvious! I don't have to google it to get an idea of what it could possibly mean! And besides it's so general, I mean anyone can be a follower of Christ even if his name is "Daemon" hellow! (My inside dialogue with my feet stumping for God like a childish rebellion). So I come up to another possibility and tried to recall if I had any experience similar to  Mr. Gordon Dalbey, but nothing I can remember of anyone who mistakenly called me in any other name than "Cristy" which also has the same meaning as Cristine. Okay, I'm stuck here as Follower of Christ and while my disappointment subside I remembered yesterday when I was also searching through GOOGLE  "How to know God's Will?". What marked my memory was the speech of the pastor mentioning "Peter", one of Jesus's Apostles. The one who always followed him nearly even if it means to do the impossible things as Jesus did like  for example walking on a roaring sea. Too late to apologize in prayer when I feel ashamed for speaking quickly that being Jesus's follower is as if just a chicken thing! In fact I should be trembling now. I realized, yes anyone can be a follower of Christ but really? Is there anyone here  including myself willing to follow him to the Cross if  Peter, his most passionate follower who witnessed his miracles personally, denied him when he's about to be crucified?Not to mention that I'm still struggling to understand the logic of his commands and still wrestle to truly believe that we are capable of loving  our enemy other than hating them. I became as little as a dot when I realized my stupidity. Finally, I accept the possibility that it might be one of the hint of God's will for me. If it is really from Him then He will make me realize it confidently and give me strength to do his will in time. 
But my curiosity doesn't stop there! How about my friends's names? My sister's name or my husband's name? Excited as I always be, I typed the name "Adiel". Why in the world my best friend's name when there are so many names appeared in my head like my husband's name which should excite me more than any other names? Maybe because,  I don't think anymore, I'm just functioning unconsciously. To my amazement, my bodily hairs erect at once, again, when I read the meaning of her name. More so, when I remember my poem for her titled "The Black Sampaguita". I never thought it would be connected to her name's meaning. It wasn't one of my favorite but I can say it was my genuine poem of her as how I  perceived AJ. In addition to connectedness, I also searched for the biblical explanation of the  given meaning since it still sounded to be something to discern. To my surprise, the example of  the nearest biblical passage or should I say exact elaboration of her name meaning can be found at 1 Peter 3:4. When it seems something made sense to me somehow, thoughts in amazement comes to play... That  the meaning of her name and her constant struggle in life are both on the opposite side. So could it be? That  maybe like "Roger", if she'll  finally be able to untangle her own mystery in God's will, she'll be able to reach the opposite side where she ought to be sitting there beautifully as her name  Adiel Joy? Yes!  I believe so, if she'll claim it, she'll own it, she'll be it and in God's grace, she'll shine through it! Then, I remember our last conversation, the phrase that struck me was when she said that the highest of all powers revealed "How beautifully and wonderfully she was made". It excites me to think that the spotlight finally shine on her. Therefore, I silenced myself and smiled,  even those things are being held on us differently, though its source is only one. Indeed they are mysteriously connected to each other. Okay, back to "name " but  rather telling you the meaning of her name which might be no apparent  reason for you to know, why not ask how about your name? Could it be? Thanks to a gloomy day that gave me a beautiful adventure while lying in my bed...The ball is in your backyard now.
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  1. salvatatria

    First, I’d like to say, you are one precious jewel to pursue the truth from perplexity. Second, I’m also curious about this point you raised on whether God actually ordained the names we have from the beginning of time. (Good one, I never thought of that. Now you got me thinking.) Third, I agree that we can’t really tell when God will reveal His will for us. Only time can. Fourth, I love the meaning of your name. As generic as it sounds, only few could actually become that. I can attest to that as I, for one, have realized how I’ve been a follower of darkness in my hollow years as a doctrine-plagued, self-righteous idealist. Looking at it on any side, to say that I am an “ornament of God” sounds little less than a blasphemy. In fact, “Black Sampaguita” suits me rather appropriately in that I am beyond doubt a radical, but the essence of that poem for me is still the same even though I’m openly declaring that I’ve found freedom in the truth – God’s truth. I am both a black sampaguita and a child aiming for the beauty in my name. There is a connection, indeed. By being a radical I found Him. Finally, the tears I’m shedding right now after reading such a wonderful prose imply that it was when I was perplexed that I found the truth. And only in the truth can freedom abide.

    August 20, 2013
  2. cristinvelascotiamzon

    First, I’m sorry it was 1 Peter 3:4 pala not 8, hope Anjan ka pa. now ko Lang napansin… Okay here it is God’s Ornamaent…
    But let it be the hidden man of the heart,
    in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament
    of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight
    of God of great price. " I Peter 3:4
    and understood it from here…

    I tried to find the copy of the poem before we evacuate but I haven’t found it yet sis, later I’m going to share it here too. But let me say my sis that Black Sampaguita is not meant for darkness… That’s not what I saw for the words I was able to used. For me, it’s because of that color that made you feel being judge horribly and despite the fact that it’s also what makes you “you” and no other it’s your struggle to see beyond your color to recognize that indeed you are still a pure Sampaguita flower but like no other… So I praised Him and celebrated that in me when You said “how beautifully and wonderfully you are made.”
    The last lines in my head from that poem as I remember…
    “I will pick all the flowers and sell in every store,
    But you?
    I’ll let you grow.”

    August 20, 2013
  3. cristinvelascotiamzon

    Lastly, may I “like” your comment? The humblest words I’ve ever heard and the most liberating one. Your on your way to the light when you’re able to see the darkness we must expose from within. Weird na Kung weird, madre na Kung madre, I’m overjoyed:-)

    August 20, 2013
  4. cristinvelascotiamzon

    I know my sis Aj, will do her own research on this;-) so may I support the conclusion by this… That Peter was actually named Simon, it was When he met Jesus that he became “Peter” Matthew 16:18
    “And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.” (NIV)
    I wonder what’s my other name…

    August 20, 2013
  5. cristinvelascotiamzon

    And though he became Peter which means “rock” His name Simon which means “He who has heard the word of God” is not in vain. Simon Peter, they seem connected to each other. I’m so into this:-) okay, okay, need to rest.. Goodnyt sis… And I won’t be tired of missing you!

    August 20, 2013
    1. salvatatria

      Thank you! Yeah, thinking back on how you chose the perfect words “Black Sampaguita” to describe me, I now understand… That’s why I said I now see the connection of those two opposite names. My “being me” brought about judgment and ridicule from the world, and I let those things consume me. Like Peter, I have seen how wicked I’ve been, professing my love for Christ and though I didn’t deny him publicly like Peter did I actually denied him in my heart many times by doubting that He would come around when I was as frustrated as Peter was in those days. So like him, I also wept bitterly (Luke 22:62) realizing I’ve denied him in my heart. So basically I’ve come to the conclusion that God loved the Black Sampaguita in me which is why he laid down His own life for me and everybody else. Imagine how realizations like this could come up from just a given name? How did our parents know what impact our names would have on us as we become enlightened by the Truth? Don’t you think it’s wonderful that whoever gave your name was led in some way to call you CRISTINE? Having a name that means “follower of Christ” is not as easy as it sounds. In fact, a lot of Cristines might fall into an obsessive ravine, thinking that they need to live up to the world’s expectations of being a follower of Christ. The beauty of your name is that you don’t need to be pressured by what they expect of a follower (like not minding the judgment and ridicule that once beset me so much) but simply recognizing Christ’s leading in your life. Why Christ? I’ll leave the research to you. God’s revelation is way better than man’s. Keep up the good search for truth! My heart is with you!

      August 21, 2013